9:38 p.m.
/
21 June, 2004

Why do people feel the need to shout at the screen while watching sports? I think I'm a fairly usual type of person, I cry every time England lose a big football match (ie. A LOT)but I don't feel the need to berate the players at the top of my voice... Okay, maybe Gareth Southgate in Euro 96, but I had a lot invested in that. England v. Germany, sitting in an English pub in Spain, a German pub on the opposite side of the road... You would have thought it was Normandy the rematch or something. Anyway, my family's yelling is hurting my ears. That was a long-winded way of saying it.

I had a weird moment earlier. I was in the bathroom and I caught sight of myself in the mirror and I suddenly felt completely out of control, terrified and close to the precipice. I've lost twenty three pounds. I wanted to beg someone to help me, but then I felt frozen with fear that they would. It was awful, I've never, in all my stupid, out of control, fucked up moments ever felt that scared.