10:54 p.m.
/
02 June, 2004

I'm completely fucked up. And I'm okay with it. I'm comfortable in my fucked up-ness.

Saw Woody. She is also fucked-up. But in a more tangible way than before. I felt it emanating like the air around her was colder. I wanted to tell her that it would be okay, that I was far weaker than she is and I still made it through, but everything came out clunky and stupid and I don't know if I really said anything at all. I feel scared for her. I wish I could go through it all for her.

You know, I would be happy to go through all the pain in the world just to spare myself having to see the people I care about endure it. And that's not selfless, it's purely selfish because I don't give a shit about myself, it's seeing other people in pain that hurts me.

I'm trying to write a story about a curse, but I can't remember how people cope with living. Makes it that much harder.

Had a sex-themed dream last night, which is not remarkable, other than the fact that it was about a guy. I woke up feeling disgusted and dirty. I'm too ashamed to talk to anyone about it. I actually found a guy physically attractive... in a dream. I don't like it when I don't dream about death and blood, it unsettles me.

I now weigh the same as I did when I was 13.

Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban is the worst movie adaptation ever! Gary Oldman is not Sirius, I refuse to believe it. And I know no-one could ever replace Richard Harris, but why the fuck does Dumbledore suddenly look like the kind of guy who loiters around the children's playground in a dirty raincoat?! It's all wrong, wrong, wrong. On the plus side, I don't think I've ever seen so many English actors in a big budget film.

Anyway, I'm gonna eat some cereal and watch Will & Grace. It's weird how it would be such a good show without the characters in the title.