9:16 p.m.
/
27 March, 2004

Finally bought Rocky Horror... I can now stop going out to watch it, though I guess I'll lose most of the fun part. Still, I now get to see Tim Curry whenever I want.

I also bought Stand By Me, because it freaked me out how much River Phoenix in the film looks JUST like my little brother. Truly, they are identical. Which is a good a reason as any to buy things.

Then I bought a pc game, which doesn't work on my computer, because it's 5000 years old. I desperately need to update the video card and cpu. But I need to be richer, or at least be in not so much debt to do it. My credit cards and store cards are maxed out. They really shouldn't give them to students anyway, even students who fraudulently claim they are in full-time employment.

My parents woke me up today, a sentence I've never said before, since they don't usually care where I am. They both phoned me, within minutes of each other, to check if I was okay. You know, it pisses me off, that they always load me with responsibility and duty, as if I was indestructible and impervious to pressure, but then treat me as if I'm fragile and unstable. They can't have it both ways. If my mother truly believed that I'm still a nutcase, then she wouldn't leave me to take care of the house and everything and everyone within it, surely? That would make her pretty irresponsible. In which case, she should stop calling and texting me constantly to make sure I'm okay and dealing with everything. Even when I was at my most insane, I still dealt with everything... in a manner of speaking. Blergh.

The most annoying thing today was the amount of junk I came across where people are writing about depressed, suicidal teenage girls and their problems. Now, call me heartless and cynical, but I have lived out the cliche, and I can honestly say that nothing I said, did or thought during that time was worth anyone else paying any attention to. It was self-absorbed, depressing and meaningless. I don't know why people think that producing it in the form of stories or poetry is creative. It's boring and irritating. I roll my eyes at my old diary entries now, and the suicide notes... God, cringeworthy.

Sigh. I shall now go off in search of a story, written by amateur or professional, that isn't about depressed teenagers, girls who just want to be popular and liked, girls who want the popular, well-liked guy to fall in love with them, teenagers who inexplicably become rock stars overnight, or people who suddenly -and again with the inexplicably- fall in love with their best friends. Wish me luck.

"And crawling on the planet's face, some insects called the human race. Lost in time, and lost in space. And meaning."