11:12 a.m.
/
19 February, 2004

I have just got a C in Theory and Methods. It's the lowest mark I have ever got in my entire life, and it was nothing to do with my essay, not really. It's my way of writing the fucking thing, apparently, that draws criticism. I maybe should take it as a compliment- they took about twenty points because it was too good. Yep, too fucking good.

So they thought I just stole the analysis from a book or something. People, from what I can tell, are supposed to copy from books and then say what book they took each paragraph from? They're not supposed to read the books and then channel the information through their own minds, use their own power of interpretation and put it down. No, because then they get asked why they didn't put a reference at the end of each paragraph. Never mind that I correctly referenced the bloody quotes and had a good bibliography in the back. I'm mad, a little scared. Okay, a lot scared. I've never done this badly before and it sickens me, really truly. I started to cry when I got the mark. If I have to endure Cs, then I don't think I can continue. I can't take being average, mediocre, and I definitely can't take copying out of books. That's not an essay.

Anyway, apart from that... Actually, I can't even think about anything apart from that. I'm going to have to talk to him, the lecturer that is, and ask what I'm doing wrong. I can't risk this again.

My life is not so great at the moment generally. I'm struggling to hold onto my sanity actually.