6:12 p.m.
/
18 November, 2003

I'm going to look at house tomorrow, I'm going to look at a house tomorrow. I am so happy. I am so happy. It's such a shame you can't hear me sing.

Went to Marks & Spencers with Julia, Charlie and Emily, bought a sandwich... No, I'm really not going to bore you with the events of my dull day.

I have developed this unnatural obsession with two boys... Okay, fascination would be a better word, I suppose. I just want to poke around in their brains for a bit. I wonder why that only happens for me with boys. It's nothing physical, I don't even think it's attraction of a mental or spiritual nature, just interest. I can't work out the pattern of their thoughts, or see their words before they speak them. That doesn't happen with me much and it really intrigues me. They must think I've got a crush on them or something, but I just want to lock them up in cages and poke them with sticks... That's science for ya, baby.

Erm... I haven't really got much to say, I just wanted to say something. Oh yeah, I was rereading my old diary from when I was a bit mental about two years ago. It starts about a month before I tried to commit suicide and sort of documents my own breakdown. It's actually really interesting, looking back. It was so bloody obvious that something was really wrong. Even the construction of my sentences was weird, but I was stunningly creative. I could never write that way again, and part of me is sad about that.Anyway, off to Tesco to write a note to Carol and buy Coca-Cola (Yeah, capitalism!)and chocolate.