12:22 a.m.
/
05 November, 2003

Why doesn't anyone say anything nice about me?

I spend entire days complimenting people, talking them up and generally helping them to feel better about themselves.

'Of course you're smart enough to be here. Remember that question you asked in the seminar? It really helped clear things up for me too.'

'No, you don't look fat in that. Actually, the colour really suits you.'

'No, I've never heard her say anything about you, but, you know, she doesn't have much self-confidence and maybe she's a little jealous of you.'

All day long, I work. And I really work, because I never, ever lie, not even little white ones. Instead, I have to constantly pay attention to other people in order to notice their strengths and emphasise them. And yet, I don't think I've ever had one single compliment. Ever. For me, it's usually:

"Yes, you coped on your own in the department today, on our busiest day and with just one day of training. And, well, I have no complaints."

"You know, that dress does suit you, but you have to do something about your hair."

"98%? What happened to the other 2?"

"No, you don't completely suck."

Whoopee-fucking-doo. So, from now on, I'm going to agree with all the self-pitying crap that people come out with, and it serves them right for drowning in self-obsession.

Now I'm going to continue writing my mediocre bullshit stories that huge amounts of people read but never bother to review and then I'm going to go to bed and have another nightmare. Fuck you all, because I'm really in that kind of mood. Sorry.